Msjames Is

Alright... I haven't blogged in a while. Sometimes I just don't care to share. But TODAY is the day. I've had a transformation in the past year. The short story is, I quit my entry level corporate salary as a way to prevent depression, but became depressed anyway. I lied to everyone about how I was feeling and stayed in bed for a good 3 months. After being discovered, I encountered a whirlwind of individuals more interested in hating on me rather than helping me help myself. Always stubborn, I simply dropped these supposed friends and went about my denial. I don't recall at what point I realized who my real friends were, but somewhere amidst the chaos, I was given immense amounts of love from different directions and from people whom I wouldn't have guessed were capable. I do, however, recall the moment of breakthrough. I was sitting in my car, at the beach... smoking, planning to play my guitar in the backseat when the phone rang. I won't mention any n...

What happens to us as we get older? Through childhood we live life confidently carefree, then sometime in later years we realize that we've lost that freedom. I went on an audition tonight for a paid background singing gig. All of the incentive, training and talent was there for me to take the job and run, but I wasn't picked. The Diva has been humbled. I've been sitting here going back and forth about what I must have done wrong, and everything in me says that I just didn't commit enough, or take enough risks and show what makes me unique. I know better than to let post audition negativity get me down, and I shouldn't think anything about it because everyone in the business hears "No" before they hear "Yes". All of this pity and self loathing, however, has caused me to remember what it felt like as a child. Very early on, I would lock myself in my bedroom and learn the songs on the radio or tapes that my mother owned. I knew them all. I lo...

Do you ever think back on where you've been in life, then fast foward to where you are currently and completely trip out? In that same vein, do you ever wonder why certain people are in your life now that wouldn't have been earlier on? What's that about? When you find someone who loves and wants to spend the rest of their life with you, you probably shouldn't worry about what people at your high school reunion are going to think of this person, or you for bringing them. Odds are, you haven't spoken to any high school peers since graduating. I often wonder how my life would be effected if just one choice had been different. I'm horrible at keeping in touch with people and didn't manage to stay connected to anyone from high school or junior college for that matter. I can't even seem to stay close with family (I'm horrible... I know.) So now, things in life seem to be changing dramatically and I continue to grow and move further and further away fro...